


A State of Mind

by Elycia7



Category: Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Assassination, Explosions, F/F, M/M, Multi, Post Regeneration, Time War Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 06:41:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2571890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elycia7/pseuds/Elycia7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Romana didn't get up that morning"<br/>Braxiatel has never known Romana as one to give up, but he wonders now if even she has her limit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A State of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for mention of two major character deaths. This work is unbetaed, so all mistakes are my own.

Romana didn't get up that morning.  
  
When she wasn't at her office at eight bells, when he usually met her, Braxiatel knew immediately that his president would not make an appearance on that day. Therefore he wasn't surprised when she messaged him more than 20 microspans later, telling him that she was still not well enough to leave her bed.  
  
If he were to be honest with himself, Braxiatel was not anywhere close to being well enough, either. But they were in the middle of a war, and right now Gallifrey could not go on without its president, it's chancellor, and the coordinator of the CIA. So he pretended that all was well, and kept on working to distract his mind.  
  
And oh, was he good at that. He had almost forgotten how good, but was reminded when he felt a presence in his mind. His first instinct was to shut it out, of course, but as he was about to do so he realised who it was.  
  
Romana.  
  
He send her a brief reassurance that he was on his way, and only now did he realise that second sunset had long since past.  
  
He didn't bother with finishing what he was doing, and sealed off his office.  
  
He walked in long strides through the Panopticon. He had yet to get fully used to this new body of his, and his walk was slightly clumsy as his legs were shorter than they had been before. He was skilled at choosing what his regenerations looked like, but as he had been unconscious during this one he couldn't control it.

It made him feel powerless.

If he could not even control his own regeneration, then what could he do? How was he to assist Romana in orchestrating this war?  
  
Not that he thought it would last much longer. In the skies, the Daleks were constantly trying to force their way through the Transduction Barriers, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before they got through. As chancellor, he was one of the few people who actually knew how soon that might happen.  
  
As he reached the presidential quarters, he strode through the formations of guards posted outside.

He almost chastised them for not stopping him to confirm his identity, but he had a feeling that Romana could not wait.  
  
However, all thoughts of this were forgotten as the doors opened. The room was darkened, but from the light of the door he could clearly see Romana's petite form huddled under the bedsheets. She seemed to move away from the light, and he closed the doors again.  
  
"Where were you?" Romana asked, surprising him. She sounded exhausted and dejected, but even in this sorry state she still spoke with all the confidence of the Lady President of Gallifrey.  
  
He approached, slowly. "I had matters to see to, and I lost track of time. Forgive me, Romana."  
  
"No."  
  
"I beg you pardon?"  
  
"No!" She repeated. "After everything that happened yesterday, how could you do that to me? For Rassilon's sake, Braxiatel, you are all I have left!"  
  
He was stunned to silence by her sudden outburst. When she didn't speak up again, he approached and sat down on the other side of their bed, only to realise that she was crying, silently.

Over the years he had rarely seen Romana cry. He could count the times he had seen her do so on his hands.

“My Lady…” he started, but was caught off when she turned to face him and put her arms around him.  
  
"How could he do this to us, Brax?" She whispered, as he held her, too. There was no need to say that it was Narvin she spoke of.  
  
"He saved our lives, Romana.”  
  
"No! He went and got himself killed!" Romana said. "He didn't have to do that. He knew he couldn't regenerate!"  
  
"And neither would we have, had he not stood between us and that bomb," he reminded her.  
  
"That's not the point! He should have run away! That's what Narvin does. And I hate him for being a coward but I love him for staying safe! But not anymore!"  
  
Brax shook his head. There had been an attempt at Romana's lives, yesterday. Narvin had been present, and by coincidence had the one to uncover it. As it turned out, it had been too late. There was no time to evacuate, and Narvin had placed himself between the two of them and the bomb, in the second that it detonated.  
  
Braxiatel had woken up in this new body, and had been told that Romana too had regenerated, after being dead for several minutes.

He had taken it upon himself to take care of her. He had been the one who arranged for Narvin to have a funeral pyre. He had been the one that ordered for extra guards to be posted anywhere Romana went. He had been the one that had helped her wash the stench of death and destruction off her. He had been the one that sat her down and forced her to eat. He had been the one to keep her nightmares at bay.

He had taken care of her so far, and he would gladly keep doing so until she was capable of doing it for herself once again, even if that day never came.  
  
He had only left her this morning when he had to, and he was already regretting that now. The fact that none of his future selves had warned him about this, served as a reminder that there was a very real possibility that the end of his lives was fast approaching.  
  
"Why did he do it?" Romana asked.  
  
"None of us are particularly good at voicing our emotions," he started, "but I think you must know, Romana."  
  
"But it's not fair! The bomb was meant for me, not him,”  
  
"Everyone standing next to the bomb died. Those standing further away only regenerated. But Narvin had no regenerations left," he reminded her. "Narvin knew what he was doing. He knew that no matter what happened he would die. What he did, he did to make sure that we didn't suffer the same fate."  
  
"But I need him, Brax. I need both of you."  
  
"Narvin's consciousness is still stored in the matrix," he reminded her.  
  
"That's not what I meant, and you know it."  
  
"I know," he agreed.  
  
"Do you think Leela is in there, too?" Romana asked, after a while. She shook her head and sighed. "Forget I asked. I know she isn't. She was human, even if she spend years here on Gallifrey."  
  
"The Matrix might have seen her as a valuable asset. Like you said, she spend years here, and most of them at your side. The matrix records events for analysis, but it must be rare for it to get non-Gallifreyan insight on them, and especially on the inner workings of the high council."  
  
"A valuable asset," Romana mused. "I once called her that. She was upset. She liked to see herself as my friend. I suppose, that was what hit her killed in the end. Narvin, too. If anything, his death was an example of why I can't allow myself to get close to people.”  
  
"Romana, if anything," Braxiatel said, "his death should be an example of why you need to do just that."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm, so this was my first Gallifrey fanfiction. I hope I did okay, and that you enjoyed it.


End file.
